Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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