I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
