hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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