Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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