You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
