dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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