I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
