my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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