She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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