I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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