that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
