and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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