So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
