I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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