Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
