Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
