Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
