ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And then he peed in my hair
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