broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize