I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
