Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
