I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
