So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
