1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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