Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
