I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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