yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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