I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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