dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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