I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
