Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
