ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
