The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Slut skills are useful in every country.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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