why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
