Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
