That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
