Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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