i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
