WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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