This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
