In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
