with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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