Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
