I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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