What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
