I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
