It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
