I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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