That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
