I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
