Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
