It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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