you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
