Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
