I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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