I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
