Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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