your room smells of hookers.
And success
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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