You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
