why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
