i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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