If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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