eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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