my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
