so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
