Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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