Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
