how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just found puke in my bra..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
