so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
