At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
