We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize