Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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