I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
please come you make the beer taste better
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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