Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
