everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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