He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
