you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
