Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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