i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
