So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
there is glitter all over my balls
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
