I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize