You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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