i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
