I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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