Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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