just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
