Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
