but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize