Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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