and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Boobs are out for the taking
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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