Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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