I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
